which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
