This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
