Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize