You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
