moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm like, not good at living.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
