your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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