I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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