I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
