i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize