I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
