and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
