..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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