wat bout pragnant strippers??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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