my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she peed on how many people?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
