ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
