You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
