Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
