my phone needs a breathalizer
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
