How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
