I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
