Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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