my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
