I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
