my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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