Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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