I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
