Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
