So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
