my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
