And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
