he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
