i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
