I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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