That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
