you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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