toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
