He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
