If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish i was in the wii world.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
