how can u be prego again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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