I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
