If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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