Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
50% drunk capacity currently
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
