And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
