I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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