tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
