My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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