The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize