She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize