you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
