Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
