so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
