I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
third nipple confirmed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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