so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize