I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
