Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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