Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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