I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize