Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
