I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
