we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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