ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
