my being single is dangerous.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
