yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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