i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
