There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize