yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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