There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
