I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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