dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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