You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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