its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
