God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
