I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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