if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
