ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize