Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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