Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
