I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sarcasm needs its own font
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
