I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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