Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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