you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
