our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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