Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize