She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
