I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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