I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
