i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
