Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
