he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
