Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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