Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
