apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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