I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
