So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
