I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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